Good Grief

May 23, 2018 // Crystal Boggs Dillon

Raise your hand if you relish the thought of grieving. Any takers?
Hmm… I didn’t think so. It doesn’t sound very appealing does it?

Grief. It’s a tricky thing. It’s something that we don’t often allow ourselves the luxury of. Maybe it’s because we don’t realize the need for it. There’s grieving over the death of a loved one, which is usually what you think about when you hear the word “grieve.” But, what about the loss of a dear friendship – lost time – something you can never get back? Maybe you have been through a tragedy in your family, and you had to be strong and just survive. Who thinks about grief at a time like that?

So many times, we just put that deep aching sadness in the back of our minds and hearts, only focusing on the situation at hand, and just “living.” Then, we forget about it, or so we thought. But one day, all of the sudden it creeps up on you, out of nowhere! “WHOA, where did that come from? This isn’t very convenient!”

For me, grieving over a certain situation came almost a year later. I was minding my own business one day, watching a movie, when all of a sudden a certain scene triggered my buried grief. Without any warning I just exploded crying – and not a sweet little cry where a few tears run down your cheeks and you have a sad little smile on your face. OH NO! It was one of those hysterical, convulsing, hyperventilating, migraine-inducing sobs that leaves you feeling like you are completely empty and void of all feeling. Some of you know exactly what I’m talking about. My poor husband didn’t have a clue what was going on. That scene in the movie immediately took me back to that situation and brought back a flood of feelings that I had tried to forget! The sadness, the “why” questions, the horror, the anger, the hopelessness… all those things that you feel when a painful situation hits you in the face like a ton of bricks.

Should I have dealt with those feelings before? Probably. Have I arrived? I wish. But there is such healing that comes when you allow yourself to feel those things and get it out!

“The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me, because the Lord has anointed Me…
to console those who mourn in Zion, to give them beauty for ashes,
the oil of joy for mourning, and the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness…”
(Isaiah 61:3)
We all have different ways of grieving losses. For me, it took a year to even face the pain. It might take someone else much longer than a ten-minute sob session. It will look different for each of us and it comes at different times. Please, just don’t keep putting it off because it’s not convenient. How I wish I could express the importance of this. Maybe it seems so hard, too painful and you don’t know where to start. The important thing to remember is that grieving is a process. It probably won’t happen overnight!

The first step is to face the reality of what you have lost. It is so important to find a safe person that you can talk to and be real with. No one should be alone when they are going through the grieving process. Start talking, and I’m guessing that after you feel the heaviness lift off of your heart, you’ll be a little quicker to raise your hand.

For more on grief, and how to properly grieve losses in your life, check out our Grieving Losses booklet.


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