Grief Speaks

January 16, 2022 // Denise Boggs

“It is better to go to the house of mourning, than to go to the house of feasting: for that is the end of all men; and the living will lay it to his heart. Sorrow is better than laughter: for by the sadness of the countenance the heart is made better. The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning, but the heart of fools is in the house of mirth.”
Ecclesiastes 7:2-4

“Mourning transfers love into legacy”, By: Denise Boggs

During a recent time of grieving the passing of a good friend, the Lord brought Ecclesiastes 7:2-4 to my remembrance. As I reflected upon the verse I knew the Holy Spirit was comforting me with the truth I was receiving. I couldn’t get away from the phrase: “it’s better to go into the house of mourning than to go to the house of feasting.”

I had not yet been able to join in on festivities of the Christmas season or even engage in happy conversations. I was perplexed as to why I was so tired after a simple conversation and why I wasn’t “snapping out” of the grief faster.

During a time of grieving it is extremely hard to be happy. I recalled how hard it was to put on a smile and try to act like I was happy when inside I was extremely sad. It was even harder to be in a group of happy people and try to make yourself act happy. This was going against the core of my true emotional and spiritual state at the time of grief.

Our grief speaks of the level of the love and honor we had for the person we’ve lost.

When I am sad and grieving a loss, I am not being real or authentic when I am putting on a happy face. It is actually taking more emotional energy for me to be happy. It’s depleting me of valuable resources that I actually need right now to replenish. So putting on a happy face when I am not happy is not being authentic but fake. It is not replenishing me, it’s draining me of the emotional energy that I need to process my loss and grieve the passing of my friend. If I’m honest, sometimes it even makes me feel angry that I’m being forced to be happy when I shouldn’t have to be.

Grief is not something to hide, it reflects love and honor. It’s a time to reflect on what you loved the most or honored the most in the person, and the love and honor you want to give, but now you cannot give. The more you loved someone, the more you grieve. All of that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes when you recall the good memories. The happiness of the good memories is authentic but cannot come until you allow the sadness of the reality that they are no longer present. Grief is love with no place to go until you determine how to honor the person after they are gone. Then, all the love is poured into honoring by carrying on their legacy.

Many people remove anything from the home that would remind them of the loved one who passed. They don’t know what to do with the feelings that come when they are constantly reminded of their loved one. When you’re allowed to grieve properly, keeping cherished items and traditions reflect honor, allows legacy to carry on, and keeps the love alive.

If grieving does not take place the love flow that went towards the person now has no place to go. Love must have a place to flow or it will fade away in the memory. If the memories fade and the sadness of the loss is pushed down it will come out later as mental health declines. The love flow must overtake the sadness and that takes time of reflecting.

This is the revelation I received from God that helped me understand why the “house of feasting” is the end of all men. We must stay in the house of mourning -or the position of reflecting- long enough to transfer our love for the person into honor and legacy. As we read the same verse in the Amplified Bible it says that by the sadness of the countenance the heart is made better and gains gladness. The wise will understand the value of grieving and enter into this time until the gladness and new strength come from the Lord. This is how Legacy is developed into the richest and most honoring form by allowing God to heal and refocus the flow of love into honor. The lack of honor can show dishonor and harden the heart. We can gain wisdom from grieving if we see that according to Ecclesiastes, it is during the time of grieving that the heart is made better.

“A good name is better than precious perfume, and the day of death better than the day of one’s birth. It is better to go to the house of mourning than to go to the house of feasting, for that is the end of all men; and the living will lay it to heart.” Ecc 7:1-2 AMPC


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